Hello my little munchkins, this is your Galway correspondent, reporting live from my parents kitchen table. It’s been six weeks since I upped and left London, leaving struggles, memories, friends and spontaneity behind. I was like Moses, parting the red seas of my own stress and self destruction, to find my way to a promised land of security, safety and a fridge full of food I didn’t have to pay for… Wooooaaahhhh ok Dee, lets reel in those notions, this isn’t an intro to your autobiography, it’s an internet blog you’ve had since you were 21 that your family and nobody else reads, get a hold of yourself please.

SO, six weeks back with my birth givers and they haven’t thrown me out yet, mostly because of all the amusement and comic asides I have been providing. Seriously. ask them about my dramatic reenactment of a seagull swallowing a live eel, or how I keep following my mom around the house singing The Kitty Cat Dance. I’m a joy to live with. In all fairness, I have been a bit of a lady of leisure, due to not having a job… YET. But I’ll get to that.

Immediately after coming home, I was teaching a couple of classes and workshops around town, covering for people, which I always love doing when I’m here. ALSO I was booked to perform at The Dirty Circus Burlesque and Cabaret again after four years, the last time being at their wild New Years Eve party in Galways Ice Bar in 2015. I love performing at home too but it always makes me super nervous for some reason, even more so in a small venue like the Roisín Dubh, where you are the sole focus and you can actually see the audience. I also had two weeks to create two brand new acts for this show, including costumes. And a Project Runway type, I ain’t! If life was an 80s movie, this is where the montage would kick in of me panic shopping for accessories, burning myself with a hot glue gun and revising choreo at the 11th hour… I was also performing in VERY good company. The Dirty Circus is a locally produced show but that doesn’t stop it from attracting top class talent from Ireland and abroad, and I happened to be sharing the stage with the current Miss Burlesque Ireland, Bella A Gogo. So, ya know, absolutely no pressure or anything. Thankfully, both acts (Bad Ballerina and Singin’ in the Rain) went down well with the audience and I managed to get all my reveals on time and not forget anything, so YAY!

Literally the following day though, I had to be down in Cork for the first ever Miss Hell on Heels Awards, which I also entered into very last minute. Getting my costume together was also a challenge for this, as it was a pole dance competition and for pole, you need as much bare skin as possible in order for your skin to be able to grip and stick to the chrome. Also, you’d be surprised at how difficult it is to choreography and rehearse a pole dance piece when YOU DON’T HAVE A POLE! I had like two hours in my studio here to try and throw something together, but I had a strong concept at least. I danced to George Michaels song Freeek, which, if you’ve never seen the video, shows him as a futuristic robot type character, so that’s what I did. Started as a robot, very stiff and controlled movement, then realizing I’m alive and getting more loose and wild as the music continued. Girl can’t do anything without a back story. Unfortunately, the venue was absolutely ROASTING and I am a sweaty person at the best of times… and when it comes to pole, sweat is your number one enemy. Every inch of my skin was covered in liquid chalk but it didn’t help that I was third from the end and the humidity in the air was making me it’s bitch. By the time I got on stage, I had to freestyle almost everything because I was dripping in sweat and sliding right off the pole everytime I tried to climb it. I honestly felt like a giant, slippery slug and I was really upset with myself when I finished. I really had to work to stop myself from crying, it’s just so frustrating when you feel like your body is trying to sabotage you. ANYWAY, it was all worth it because this girl only went and won First Runner Up! Mercifully, the competition was much more about performance and confidence then technical ability. And God knows, if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s fake it! 

After that mad weekend, I honestly felt purposeless for a few days without any choreo or costumes to work on! That quickly disappeared though as I was back on the road last Saturday, to dance in Portlaoise for Bingo Bongo Ireland, one of these bingo rave night club events and the craic was 90! I was working with the fabulous Domino, who has had me as part of his show, Taboo, in the past and we got on to a hilarious start with a flat tire in the middle of Offaly. The rest of the team  (Shane and Samantha) and ourselves ended up getting towed around Tullamore for twenty minutes looking for a tire place that was open on a bank holiday! Swear to God, you had to laugh or you’d cry! Anyway when we finally got to the venue, got ready and set up, we had such a laugh, getting people on stage to dance, playing ridiculous games, giving away class prizes and bopping our asses off. We were dead afterwards but it was so much fun and there’s going to be many more of these gigs over the summer.

And speaking of gigs, I actually went and landed myself a full time, salaried job in Galway, working from home as a Shopify guru! That’s fancy speak for IT support for a Canadian multinational but it’s super handy as I finish work at 3 pm, SO much time for activities! I start training in just over a week and I’d say I won’t know myself soon, being such an adult! I’ll actually be able to afford a PT again and save money (GASP). Maybe I’ll even, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, take a real holiday!!  I defo need to start rehearsing my customer service voice again.

Oh and in the middle of all that show prep, I made a cheeky trip back to London with my gal pals, Etain and Maggie, for a weekend. We had so much banter and it was fun to be in London as a tourist, albeit as one who understands the tube like a boss. We did the Harry Potter walking tour which was class. We went around loads of London locations that I’m really familiar with like Soho, St. Pauls and Borough Market but I learned loads and came across so many nooks and crannies that I never knew existed. Saw real filming locations like the Ministry of Magic and the Leaky Cauldron. We got sorted into houses too, (Hufflepuff YAAAASSS) and had a HP trivia quiz all day so we could win house points. I think the girls will back me up and say I was a total Hermione and kept shouting out the answers before the little girl in the Gryffindor robes could get in there. We pretty much started drinking immediately after and went to see Matilda on the West End which I’ve wanted to go to since the New York days. TOTALLY recommend, it’s hilarious and touching and Miss Trunchbull needs to be in the next season of Drag Race. The rest of the night was a bit of a blur but we ended up in Infernos in Clapham, where I’d never been before but I defo took my heels off and made a total mong of myself by ordering tequila shots. The fact that me and Maggie opened up another bottle of wine when we got back to our Air Bnb did not help the raging hang over I delt with the following day. But my God it was a class weekend! I totally stand by always saying London is a tough place to live but an awesome place to visit! I NEVER partied like that when I lived there!

And that’s basically all the craic from me for now lads! I’ve mostly been going to pole class, doing tons of yoga and actually running because I foolishly signed up for a 10K with my cousins in July. Pray for my body please because it hurts SO MUCH getting out of bed these days. Do you ever get the feeling that you’d like a horse wearing high heels to just repeatedly stomp on your back? No? Just me then! WOOHOO 28!!

PS. FUCK TRUMP